Question:

My wife has a very stressful work, she’s fighting hard in saving her company, and we both have had some hard times ourselves, and a lot of demands from her parents’ home. Will all this affect the baby? We are very concerned of the baby’s character, attitude, whether the baby will be cheerful or upset all the time.”

Answer:

Stress is unavoidable, and it would be silly to think our babies don’t feel it. Rather than feeling guilty about it, you can be aware of it and try to both de-escalate the stress in your home and help your baby learn how to deal with stress, for someday he or she may be fighting to save a company, too!

There are a couple of things I have found to be very helpful.

One is massage, not just occasional, but regular, with massage oil, breathing deeply and relaxing and not allowing distractions, even if the massage is only a short one, say, a back rub or massaging baby’s legs. It is important that the massage be slow, rhythmic, warm, encompassing, and loving, hopefully with a lot of eye contact and loving expressions.It can be learned from a book or video or class. It is also a built-in way for parents to take a break and relax themselves so that relaxation and love flows through their hands to the baby’s body.

Often babies will cry and fuss either during or after massage, as a way of releasing built-up stress and tension, so parents must very consciously remain relaxed themselves. Massage teaches baby how to release stress at the parent’s touch, and the massage raises the baby’s threshold for stimulation so that eventually the baby is not easily stressed out.

When the parent breathes deeply and lets the baby hear, soon the baby will begin imitating big sighs during the massage. You are teaching them there are ways to let go of tension.

That leads to the second suggestion, and that is to acknowledge the baby’s stress and allow the baby to “vent” some in the safety of loving arms and really listen to his/her crying. With my babies, sometimes I would cry right along with them! Try not to expect your baby to be “cheerful” but rather respect who he/she is, support what he/she feels, and listen, giving the message “I love you for who you are, no matter what your feelings look like at the moment; all feelings are okay.” When we feel cherished and accepted for who we are, cheerfulness and joy come naturally to us.

We can let ourselves and our babies know that crying and releasing are not cause for alarm, but a natural part of being human.

The third suggestion I call “Controlled Belly Breathing.” You do it first thing in the morning when you wake up, for three minutes, so you make it a habit to begin your day in a relaxed state of mind and body.

Breathe in deeply through your nose so your stomach rises, counting one-and-two-and-three-and-four, then blow out slowly to the same count, allowing your body to relax into it as you go. Some people like to repeat the word re-lax on the in and out breath. You can do this in traffic, waiting in lines, when baby is crying, whenever you begin to feel the tension in your body starting to grow. It prevents stress chemicals from harming your body and helps you attend to your baby and/or your partner with a relaxed, receptive, and accepting attitude.

Your baby will see you doing this and learn how to do it him or herself, so you are modeling how to handle stress. In conclusion, I’d say look at this as a wonderful opportunity to both learn how to relax yourselves and teach your baby how to deal with stressful situations by responding with relaxation. Rather than harming the baby, you will be strengthening his or her character as you consciously de-stress your home environment and give yourselves necessary relaxation breaks.

By Vimala McClure
Source: babiestoday.com